The Month of Change

Oh, blog, it has been too long! Such major changes have occurred since last we connected. Where shall I begin?

First, and most importantly by far, my sister Kathleen's adorable, healthy daughter Giuliana Helene Galatro came into the world on Sunday, February 20th, just one day before the projected due date. (Take that, weather man!) Grandma--jeez, I can't believe I'm calling my mom this!--accompanied in the Honolulu delivery room while dad, an officer aboard a nuclear submarine currently deployed in the Pacific, received real-time updates by phone; grandpa and Aunt Beth are flying to Hawaii in a few weeks to join. Unfortunately, Uncle Mike has neither enough PTO days accrued nor the money saved to grace the family with his eccentric, highly sentimental presence this time. Luna and the snake kids and I all send our best, though, and Giuliana will be receiving a Mike Jehn original, oils on canvas, as a welcome to the world! gift.

A few months ago a friend of mine who tends bar at Gullifty's in Squirrel Hill lent me a little tome called The Uncle Book: Everything You Need To Know To Be a Kid's Favorite Relative by author Jesse Cogan. Let it be known that I'm not one to pick up self-help or how-to books; but this one was cute by appearances, peppered with humorous anecdotes, and a quick read. A lot of the content was intuitive, really no-brainer material--perhaps not so much for people with duller minds or a less refined intuitive sense, hence my inability to fully appreciate the material?! At times, the author described the uncle role in such terms that his advice began to resemble a corporate business strategy. He used the term buncle, one of the silliest (translated: stupidest) words I've ever heard, to describe the uncle bond with niece or nephew. (I know, I'm just an old grump...) I do not need to employ "positioning" to market a particular activity to my niece, as if family bonding activities were products on the market forever competing with similar enticing products. Further, I hardly need to be mindful of the so-called USP--unique selling proposition--to facilitate or participate in "firsts" for the child because, hell, I'm already creative enough, eclectic enough, downright wacky enough to easily offer a whole menagerie of unique, perhaps even enviable first-time adventures. Considering my active lifestyle, extensive range of interests, artistic nature, penchant for knowledge-sharing, enduring connection to my own inner child, effortless knack for relating to kids, and unabashedly dark sense of humor (don't worry, I'll save the really bad stuff for the teenage years!), I don't think that I'll have any problem whatsoever--other than geographical distance, that is. All of this being said, I did learn a few things from this book, and would recommend it to anyone who is genuinely concerned that he might not be up to snuff as great--even average--uncle material. Or anyone who's bored on an airplane and needs something to read other than the SkyMall catalogue or the passenger safety manual.

By the way: as far as I'm concerned, an uncle will never, ever be a kid's favorite relative, although he may come close. Everyone knows that grandma is a kid's favorite relative. Got it? GRANDMA! It's a rule of the universe. Find me a provable example to the contrary and I'll buy you a drink.

I mentioned earlier that little Giuliana will receive a painting to admire and treasure for always (or, for all I know, sell on eBay to fuel her future shopping habit). Unless I am struck with inspiration--and a spare afternoon--before my dad and sister leave for Hawaii, the one on the left is the chosen candidate. It's called The Virgin Mary Shops for China Somewhere in East Texas. I don't know why; it just seemed like a funny title. Is east Texas even a good place to buy china? I wouldn't know.

Whew. I was supposed to list all these big changes and I kind of got sidetracked. Can you blame me? My new niece is on my mind. To be honest, the only other big change--the only other really big change--is that I've decided to buy a house. The reasons for this decision are many, principal among them the knowledge that, nearing the age of thirty and having finally decided that I'd like to stay in Pittsburgh for several more years, it would be more beneficial to invest in my own property than to continue renting. I need a house to call my own--my own project, my own sanctuary, my own vision, my own rules. I need a place that I can walk around naked in, where I can dance in the living room and listen to the radio in the morning while making breakfast--a place where a cat might even co-rule as long as it promises not to piss on everything in sight and terrorize my reptiles. I want to learn useful homeowner skills, like drywall installation and basic electrical work. I welcome the challenge and boldly invite upon myself the hardship and sacrifice that is sure to accompany this drastic new responsibility. I envision great renovations and architectural experimentation that'll set my house apart from the others on the block. Have I made the right decision? I'm not sure yet, but I think so. I hope so. No use living at all if we're not willing to jump headlong into the vast unknown from time to time, right?! I've looked at three places so far and hope to delve into house #3 a bit more in my next post, photos and all. Until then, rock on!