Anyway, I would like to share a recent instance of incredible--yet sadly typical--human stupidity with you. No, I'm not referring to the capsizing of the Costa Concordia cruise liner off the Italian coast. That was certainly stupid, avoidable, tragic--which is nothing to say of the captain's criminal egotism or staggering cowardice--, but that story is not my own. No, my story is about linoleum flooring. Specifically, it's about my attempts to recycle some old linoleum flooring from my house for artistic purposes by offering it for free on Craig's List. That act in particular is not the stupid part, but let me explain.
Last week, after months of procrastination, I finally got around to downloading about 400 images from my digital camera to my computer. Among these were photographs of the linoleum flooring that decades ago had graced one of the bedrooms in my house--a bedroom that had clearly once been a nursery or baby's room before it was carpeted and turned into Mrs. Brown's dressing room, complete with an enormous vanity and the most gratuitously large collection of [mostly unused] makeup products that I have ever seen outside of a department store. Here are a few photos of what I like to refer to as the creepy nursery flooring:
Here's another photo that illustrates some of the other cute figures that appear in the flooring, like kittens and chickens (on wheels?!), rabbits and piggy banks, even a camel:
I knew that the flooring wasn't in fantastic shape; but it's certainly unique, rare, slightly endearing, definitely amusing--and a potential goldmine for artists who use such materials. Thus, I posted on Craig's List, as I have done on many occasions before, this time offering any and all of this linoleum flooring for free to anyone of creative persuasion willing to stop by and check it out.
One of the first individuals to respond said this (and only this): "some of that old flooring was made with aspestas." Okay... Appreciate the warning, but, um, that's not even how you spell "asbestos." Granted, I could have been a snarky shit by responding to that effect but I simply thanked this person for the concern and forgot about it.
Now, here's where the stupid comes in. The very next day I received this response to my earnest attempt at freecycling from the faceless dunce hiding behind the e-mail address crenovationsllc@gmail.com:
LOL ! You must be drunk ! IT"S GARBAGE ! Where do you drunken nuts come from ? Did it ever occur to you that the" VINTAGE" linoleum has "VINTAGE" asbestos in it?
Okay, stupid! I thought to myself. You wanna show the world how unequivocally stupid YOU are by attempting to make a fairly smart person feel stupid?! Think you can get away with jabbing an honest gent who happens to enjoy a good stiff drink now and again? HUH?! And this is how I responded:
Drunk?! Occasionally, absolutely, but not when I posted (to the best of my knowledge...) and certainly not right now.
Honestly, what was the point of your responding to my post if your only accomplishment was to sound like an ignoramus fuck? Why do you think that I'm giving this stuff away as opposed to trying to sell it? Clearly you're not familiar with the fact that some people actually use this material for art.
If even one person can or will use this linoleum to create something funky, unique, beautiful or inspiring, why NOT give it away as opposed to tossing it in the trash? One last thing: asbestos is only dangerous when large quantities of it are inhaled in airborne particulate form. Working with materials that contain asbestos can be done safely as long as one protects oneself from airborne particles--especially when those materials aren't known to crumble into clouds of fine dust.
Do a little research before trying to sour perfect strangers' evenings with your abusive ignorance, chap. In plain English, get a fucking life.
So there you have it. I never heard back from the prick, in case you were wondering. Maybe the universe afforded him a moment of clarity just potent enough to recognize that he, in fact, was incorrect about something. But probably not. In all likelihood my response was deleted without ever having been read. You know, my mom was right years ago when, during any one of a number of arguments, she would rhetorically remark You always have to have the last word, don't you? DON'T you?! Yes, mom, and I still do.
Before I finish, I would like to share one final example of stupidity--or whatever you want to call it--that I have encountered perhaps half a dozen times in the past few weeks. Perhaps you've seen it yourself:
The day that I first encountered--and subsequently screen-captured--this particular web artifact, I was enjoying an uneventful music-supplemented morning at work doing something or other on the computer. (At that very moment, as you can tell, I was listening to songs by Pink Floyd's David Gilmour--one of the best guitarists of all time--on YouTube.) So, you ask, what qualifies this as an example of stupidity? The claim, boldly splashed across the top of the image like a front page newspaper headline, that Jesus Christ is Lord? No, certainly not. Lots of people believe that Jesus Christ is Lord. The fact that an online Christian dating service is trying to seduce me and thousands of other unsuspecting viewers with an image of a generic bleach-blond Barbie slut who, for all I know, could boast a laundry list of mastered (and commercially available) filthy acts that would put poor Mary Magdalene to shame? BINGO! I can think of some other things to call it, too: shamelessly desperate. Tacky. Sad.
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Oh, and to the blond girl in the image: I'm sorry for the things I said. You're probably a very nice girl. I just hope that that particular shot of you doesn't appear in your high school yearbook anywhere. Or as your Facebook profile photo.