Turtles in Central Park, New York City, August 2012. (Photo by Michael Jehn.) |
Mr. Hobbins, I'd love to share your fruitful wisdom, your razor-sharp insight, right here on my humble blog. Please, grace us with your staggering intellectual presence, under your own name, in your own earnest and completely uncensored words. You are welcome any time--but only if you stand behind your true identity.
(Somehow I don't think he'll show...)
Anyway, enough with the facetiousness and on to some real news. I've called this post 'homeowner wins & woes' because I'd like to share a few of each with the world. I'll start with a win. The foyer flooring--a handsome dark manufactured bamboo product with a pitted, antiqued surface texture that complements the existing wood paneling and stair railings beautifully--has been installed, thanks to a lot of hard work by Mr. Matt Crowe. Sure, there were some woes associated with the win. The bamboo wasn't my first choice for material, but the stuff I really wanted wasn't in stock at Lumber Liquidators and would have taken two months to arrive on order. The foyer sub-floor was so uneven, the walls so untrue (i.e., not straight and precisely aligned, as opposed to "not really walls" or "walls that are lying") that we didn't get the first piece down until late afternoon on the second day. Of course, the bamboo is so dense and solid that many of the hand-hammered nails wouldn't go in even after pilot holes had been drilled--and the nail gun simply kept splitting the tongues on the boards. Frustration...but not defeat.
Fortunately, one new nail gun and two weeks later, the floor was complete: shiny and new (DUM, DUM, DUM--like a virgin...), glassy in its perfection, complemented by new quarter-round shoe moldings, doorway thresholds, and a brand-new $115 cast iron register grate from Signature Hardware to replace the existing one that had been so grievously molested by time and moisture that it might as well have been recovered from the wreck of the Titanic. A final minor woe regarding the floor: every speck of dust, every tiny scratch, stands out instantly against such a dark patina. Luckily I'm a cleaning freak.
In addition to the flooring, the foyer walls leading all the way up the stairs to the second floor have been completely repainted in a warm, inviting yellow tone called Caribbean Sunrise (win), although the amount of pre-painting plaster repair necessary was unbelievable (woe) and painting itself, especially above the stairs and the stained glass window--where I teetered precariously on an old chair resting atop a haphazard pile of furring strips and plywood scraps stretched between the second stair landing and the top rung of a ladder (disaster waiting to happen but thankfully avoided)--was a total bitch (woe). The heinous old mini-fridge-sized air conditioner in the foyer window that I couldn't even use because its plug doesn't fit standard outlets is gone (win) and my metal scrap-collecting neighbor Dave helped me get it out of the window and took it for me so I didn't even have to worry about how to dispose of it (win) and the tacky-as-sin paneling that had been hammered in above the air conditioner is gone (win) and, miraculously, the original double-hung sash window was hiding inside (win) and is in terrific shape!
Furthermore, my mom--who is awesome--found very cheap, very hip curtains for both the entryway window and the living room window that perfectly fit the mid-century modern look that I'm going for (win). By the end of the year, I should have the rest of the stair treads painted and the two landings professionally carpeted; the second-floor hallway floorboards will finally be painted within the next month; the master bedroom on the second floor will be remodeled by mid-December including drywall and carpeting; and, with any luck, I'll be getting a new front porch in the spring. (Matthew Johnston, if you're reading this, please let me know whether or not you still want the job; it's been a while since I've heard from you!)
I will end with one last, but lingering, woe: I've been having a lot of trouble getting rid of one of my tenants. Call him whatever you'd like--Stefan, Sylvester, Simon or Salvatore--since I'm not going to reveal his actual name on the Internet. The guy's got a lot of serious issues that I had not anticipated and am not professionally equipped to deal with: chronic hoarding, poor hygiene, and a manner of aloof passivity that I didn't even think was possible. He's so unassertive, so lacking in proactive initiative or self-defense--of ideas, personal needs, or opinions, I mean--, that I've wanted to scream out loud on countless occasions. I was a fool for having allowed him to move in at all, my judgement blinded by the prospect of quick, easy rent money; for this I accept full responsibility. Per our original verbal agreement, pursuant to the lease, he was supposed to have been vacated by the end of September; but, as I should have expected, he managed to completely avoid moving out, and naturally he failed to communicate any concerns or unexpected snags to me ahead of time (lack of communication being another one of his issues). I granted him another full month. He didn't move out--and then the trashy wet week-long misery delivered by superstorm Sandy created a scenario in which I wouldn't have wanted people trudging into and out of my house repeatedly anyway, tracking leaves and mud everywhere.
So, my tenant has until November 15th, and that's final. No more excuses, no more bullshit, no more house projects delayed by his frustrating ineptitude. If he attempts to linger for one more day, he will encounter a front door whose lock has been changed upon return. On the bright side, at least he's a harmless soul who wouldn't intentionally harm another breathing creature--or, for that matter, likely utter a profane word--if a gun were pressed to his temple. I wish him joy, prosperity, and fulfillment in all his future endeavors, and openly acknowledge that he is probably a better person than I shall ever hope to become; but I also want him the hell out of my place. Is that so much to ask for?!
It's interesting how one person can cause such a disturbance in your life but still be a harmless soul. Humanity is complex and weird, isn't it??
ReplyDeleteIts crazy how i found this blog, with a simple email search in google.
ReplyDeleteI aswell had a ad on craigslist and had the same moron email me in reply to my ad.
My ad
-----
Looking for a DLP TV not the older 6ft tall tv's the smaller ones 2005+
Paying up too 100 for the tv depending on size and age.
I see alot of these TV's selling for under 100 and even given away for free, just dont have the time to wait for one to pop up
i need a tv asap
His response to my ad
---------------------
YOU"RE FULL OF SHIT TOO ! If you see them being given away for free
then why don't you get one ? FREE ? LOL ! Where do you nut jobs come
from ? $200 would be CHEAP ! A $100 ? Really ?
------------------
My response
-----------
Why don't you look for DLP in search and in free ads you will see them. Fuck you. You Cunt
I cant believe how some people treat other people.
So i never heard back from this douche ither
Hi Rick, thanks for the response! I'm not surprised that you never actually heard back from our favorite craigslist terrorist after you responded to him; he's far too much of a coward to engage with his targets beyond the initial attack. He's a true stain on the human race. It doesn't help that the craigslist system is set up such that it's nearly impossible to report people like him. Anyway, best wishes!
DeleteI'm part of a reputable business that hires contractors part time and full time for work on bank owned properties. I recently received this hateful email from a CL respondent...
ReplyDelete"crenovationsllc
2:53 PM (29 minutes ago)
to vg9nh-35471081.
You don't get to pay hourly like a real employer for a contractor and
get out of paying taxes and supplying work comp and loiability
insurance you CHEAPASS PIECES OF SHIT ! Contractors arte not paid by
the hour you CHEAPASS LOSERS ! Where do you lowlife scumbags come from
? Hourly wage for a sub contractor ? LOL ! So I supply your company
with the truck, tools, insuirance, fuel, equipment, labor, skills,
vehicle insurance and maintenance for an hourly wage ? GO FUCK
YOURSELF UNLESS THE WAGE IS $40 an hour LOSER ! ! !
http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/lab/3547108165.html"
After google searching his email I found your blog and decided to enlighten you.
Now if he had just contacted us he would have found out
1. contractors supply nothing, we supply everything, credit cards, gas, hotel expenses, generators, air compressors etc..EVERYTHING
2. Our company DOES provide the insurance and workers comp.
Just thought you would like to know.
Yep, this guy's a real class act! It's really too bad that he hasn't found a way to channel all of his hatred into some sort of profitable venture, like his very own reality TV show. He could call it, in his signature all-caps style, "THE WHOLE WORLD CAN GO F*** ITSELF!" or "I'M SMARTER THAN EVERYONE AND YOU'RE CHEAPSS PIECES OF S***!" I mean, just imagine the ratings...the straight-to-video spinoffs...the merchandise sales! This scumbag could become a superstar! Hell, with all the attention that he's received from my blog alone, he's already halfway there! :)
DeleteAnyway, thanks for the response, and hopefully your future craigslist interactions will involve slightly more decent human beings who don't thrive upon the degradation of others.